Talk
by Kylie Anderson
Summary: After 'Revelations', Spencer Reid never talked to anyone about what happened. One stormy night, he shows up at someone's door. And he's ready to talk...at last.


Talk

Four weeks. One month. Thirty one days. It all meant the same thing. It was all equal to the amount of time Spencer Reid had spent on desk duty. It was all the time that Reid spent talking to bureau physiatrists. It was all the time that Reid was forced to relive his horrible experience with Tobias. And Reid was tried of talking. He was tired of telling everyone what happened.

Even after such a long time, it seemed as if Hotch and Gideon were afraid to have him back in the field. They kept muttering excuses about him needing more time to 'recover'. Each time Reid approached them about it, they suddenly became quiet and mumbled a few words. It was like Reid wasn't a part of the team anymore.

In his childhood, Reid was always excluded. He understood what it felt like…and he was feeling excluded…by the people he never thought would exclude him. In a way, they betrayed him.

After another day of sitting at a desk looking at files, Reid made his way home.

((-))

Walking into Reid's small apartment was now a difficult task. The time Reid spent with Tobias changed him. Reid now felt as if he didn't have time to worry about how clean he kept his house. He had better things to do.

Pacing around his apartment, there wasn't anything to do. Reid suddenly felt trapped and terrified. He had the urge to run away, like a child. He had the urge to run away from his problems. _Was this what it was like to go crazy?_ Reid wondered. _Do you just lose it one day? Or does it happen gradually? _

Feeling as his life was spiraling out of control, Reid realized there was only one thing he could do. He glanced outside to see the rain beating down on the sidewalk. It was a terrible evening…just like how he was feeling.

((-))

It was two in the morning and Jason Gideon moved towards his door. A meek knock had awoken him and now the man was curious as to who lay behind the door at such any early hour. Opening the door, Gideon saw Reid was standing on the other side.

Reid appeared to be a mess. He was drenched head to toe and he was shivering. Based on the weather, Gideon guessed that Reid had probably walked to his house and gotten caught in the endless rain. Stepping aside, Gideon allowed Reid entry into his home. "What are you doing here?" Gideon asked gently.

There was a vacant look in Reid's eyes. "I…I…" Reid began trying to find the words. "I don't know."

Gideon looked Reid over before moving out of the room to fetch a thick blanket. He handed it to Reid who gratefully wrapped himself in it. "I think you know why you're here." Gideon stated watching Reid sit on the couch.

Reid shrugged. "Would you like something to drink? Tea perhaps?" Gideon offered changing the conversation.

Again, Reid nodded giving Gideon a physical answer as opposed to a verbal answer. Gideon knew that Reid would eventually talk to him, but it would take time. Gideon left the room.

Sighing, Reid mentally kicked himself for showing up at two in the morning. _Gideon must think I'm crazy._ Reid thought. _And who's to say that I'm not? _For a while, Reid just sat on the couch letting his thoughts wander. Gideon reentered with a cup of tea and handed it to Reid.

Gideon sat on a chair opposite of where Reid was sitting. For a while, Gideon just wanted Reid. He never wanted to push Reid, so they sat in silence. "Gideon, I…I took something from the crime scene." Reid admitted at last. "After I shot Tobias,"

Not daring to make eye contact, Reid stared at the floor. "I know." Gideon said simply.

Looking up at him, Reid appeared confused. "You do?" Reid questioned.

"I saw you." Gideon stated.

This appeared to confuse Reid further. "Why didn't you say anything then? Didn't you wonder?" Reid asked.

Sighing, Gideon nodded. "Indeed, I wondered, but I knew you would talk to me when the time was right." Gideon said calmly.

"I didn't use them." Reid said quickly.

Again, Gideon nodded. "I know you didn't use the drugs." Gideon said. "However, I do not know what you did with them nor do I know why you took them."

Closing his eyes, Reid tipped his head back. "I took the drugs and threw them out because I didn't want you and the team to know that I was drugged." Reid said quietly opening his eyes. "I didn't want you to know what hell I had been through."

"We knew. We saw the video feed." Gideon replied. "We saw you overdose."

Gideon couldn't have been sure for Reid was still soaking wet, but he could have sworn he saw a tear roll down Reid's face. "The very man that was going to kill me, saved me." Reid said shaking his head. "I'm alive because of him."

"He was suffering a delusion. He wasn't the same person mentally." Gideon stated.

Reid shrugged. "I know, but still…" Reid said trailing off. "Why do you and Hotch keep refusing to let me back into the field?"

Surprised by the change in subject, Gideon appeared confused. "We don't 'refuse' to let you work back in the field. We both think it's a bit early for you to come back into the field." Gideon said. "Can you understand that?"

It became silent again. Minutes came and went before Reid finally nodded. "Good," Gideon replied.

Biting his lip, Reid wasn't sure where to go from there. He had so much to say, but it seemed as if there was not enough time to say it. "Gideon, what would you have done if you had to choose?" Reid asked suddenly.

"Choose what?" Gideon asked not following the conversation.

"Choose who lived and who died…" Reid said quietly.

Gideon rubbed his chin. "I don't know Reid. I don't think anyone can say what they would do until they are forced to do it. However, I know you are not to blame for the death of the woman." Gideon said.

Reid shrugged. "I know I'm not legally responsible, but I feel as if I am morally responsible." Reid said trying to make sense of his feelings.

"That feeling is never going to go away," Gideon said honestly. "However, you must realize that even if you feel that way, you are not morally responsible."

"I was very lucky that the team figured out what I was trying to say with Hotch." Reid said. "Not only because it saved my life, but also because I hated saying those things. I feel horrible about it. I worry that he might…he might believe it."

Gideon sighed. "He doesn't take it personally nor does he believe it. In fact, he's quite proud that you were brave enough to use your knowledge to survive." Gideon answered. "And to tell you the truth Reid, I could never have been more proud of anyone than I was of you in those minutes."

Reid looked up at him. "You were? Why?" Reid questioned.

A tear rolled down Gideon's face. "You were extremely brave. When he asked you to pick someone to die on the team, you told him to kill you instead. I've…I've never seen anyone so loyal and courageous." Gideon said in a gentle voice. "You are a hero, don't ever forget that."

His words shocked Reid. "I'm not a hero." Reid said firmly. "I never saved anyone."

Gideon shook his head. "You don't have to save someone to be a hero. You just have to have inner strength and you, my friend, possess inner strength." Gideon said in an awed voice. "But even heroes have their faults. Yours was not talking to someone about what happened."

"I talked to the in-house physiatrist at the BAU." Reid stated.

A smile appeared on Gideon's lips. "And did you tell him the whole story?" Gideon questioned. "Or just what he wanted to hear?"

Reid hung his head in shame. "I…I just wanted to be back in the field." Reid said.

Gideon nodded. "I understand. Do you understand that if you have a problem it's best to see Hotch, me or anyone else immediately instead of waiting?" Gideon asked softly.

Nodding, Reid finally looked directly into Gideon's eyes. "Yes, I understand." Reid confirmed.

It became silent again and Reid's eyes began to flutter before closing in a deep sleep. Gideon picked up Reid's tea cup and turned off the light before leaving the room. "Thank you for talking to me." Gideon whispered to himself feeling proud of Reid once again.

**The End **

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

A/N- This story was written to show the father/son relationship between Reid and Gideon and to show my beliefs into what will happen due to the effects 'Revelations'. If you liked this story, check out my other stories.

Kylie Anderson


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